Just Working Any Job Isn’t The Answer

I went back to work and started providing again and managed to patch things up at home and just kept my head down and moving forward no matter how much i didn’t want to “I had to” as it was making me feel worse sitting and just spinning my wheels with no vision of where I was heading, but it is just replacing one pain for another as none of these jobs so far are ever what I have wanted to do and felt it was the only option I had.

I found myself a job as a labourer in a student accommodation build and worked my ass off for a year solid looking for the next opportunity to get more money, and I found it at Mcqueens Dairies and felt as though I was in a good job and was making very good money for the shifts, within a month of being in the job I was promoted to a Team leader and since have worked my ass off again for almost two years.

One Of The Toughest Years

I’m not going to lie there were some very sad and dark times in this period my grandad passing and a miscarriage to name two but I managed to keep telling myself “I should be grateful for a job” and kept moving forward and turning up to work, but again like I said earlier I started to realise I was not happy and felt trapped.

Light At The End Of The Tunnel

Then Jay managed to get pregnant again and we were happy, but both very worried and it was a very difficult pregnancy which had us constantly dreading the worst. This put us under severe pressure at home and on me being able to turn up to work and I was getting disciplined at work for the absences to the point I was being told just before I left for Christmas that the last time I was absent “HR wanted my head” and this played on my mind all over Christmas.

I don’t know if it was all the stress of this, but I was very ill over the festive period and ended up having to use holidays to avoid anymore absence reports but I had severe breathing problems which I ended up on steroids and an inhaler from someone who was used to walking over 15,000 steps a night with ease to barely being able to take a breath without coughing so hard I wanted to vomit it was scary.

I was under constant pressure from work which then rolled into the birth of our fifth child “Alfie” and my first boy, that’s when I felt the same feelings at the birth of our first daughter “Jenny-May” come back and because of everything happening up to this point I felt myself falling into another black hole and going through the whole self destruct and breaking myself down.

Now, I think it is because I know deep down I could make my partner, kids and me so much more proud than I am doing, I have so much more to offer than where I was, and working nigh shift full time is hard as you barely see your family even though your providing and its a big compromise so the self-doubt and worthlessness sets in and I knew I needed to get help but I also had to return to work before I did the whole self destruct thing again as we needed the money more now than ever.

Knowing What You Should Do And What You Feel Like Doing

I missed my first shift back to work I didn’t want to do it, but I was just so lost again, so I let them know how I was feeling and that I needed some help to return to work and I was ultimately dismissed, they rushed my P45 through, withheld my paternity pay and they then said I resigned even though I did not ever tell them I wanted to leave, neither verbally nor written and was in contact daily right up to, during and after, making it very clear I was not doing good at all but did not want to resign from my job, just a bit of understanding to the situation I was in.

Legal Battles Ongoing

After two to three weeks of sending emails and being promised an investigation all contact ceased and haven’t had a single contact since, that it is just disgusting behaviour and the most disrespected and worthless I have ever been made to feel by any employer, period.

With no other choice I started to look at what else I could do as after four weeks of no contact with McQueens Dairies and there complete stonewall and refusal to conciliate through ACAS which is a free service to resolve employer disputes and they flat out refused to talk to them and so a certificate was released to take them to tribunal.

I had no choice but to take it to a tribunal which honestly I think they did on purpose as knew I couldn’t afford it our would put me through so much stress I would give up, but I won’t as this for me is a very personal issue as you will see I have had to deal with this my whole life and found that the understanding of the conditions is still not properly dealt with.

No Support Available and Left Feeling Alone

Help is advertised and men are advised to talk out when they are not feeling ok but when you are sacked and help isn’t available when needed these problems only grow and the suffering for the individual. As of today the 12/04/2023, I still haven’t managed to get any medication, an appointment with a doctor until the 27th of this month and have had to chase up the call I was meant to receive from the mental health nurse 3 times and complained to the practice manager and still haven’t got any of it. So I am dealing with all of this at the moment on my own.

and this has given me the time and motivation to chase a dream.